Random Insanity Alliance Forum, Mark V
Cactuar Zone => Random lnsanity => Topic started by: Buck Turgidson on February 27, 2012, 07:47:49 am
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I have been asked to write a column for this website:
http://zouchmagazine.com/ (http://zouchmagazine.com/)
As you can see I am a victim of my own writing prowess, and have been backed into a corner. I am struggling to come up with a theme that is appropriate for the site, and knowing myself, I am likely to offend people here. Except the Angry Man.
By way of a public apology to Mia for tormenting her, I would like to propose to her that I submit a sample of her poetry to this site. With her permission of course. Mia, let me know - you don't have to accept myu apology, but you should publish, and I can guarantee it.
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If your going to offend someone, who cares. It's art, not politics.
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Come on Ape, you know how far I can go...
The question is should I go there deliberately, or should I try to contain myself by framing a clear scope?
The editor has suggested that I take on something with a historical perspective - I was thinking maybe something along the lines of "Misunderstanding History", a satirical revisionist historical column. Thoughts?
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I don't know ??? do something on 911
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That would be hard to do satire about, but I could pull it off. At the expense of making the FBI list again.
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You should write like "Little Red Riding Hood: Examining the Patriarchal oppression of myth from a feminist perspective"
Make up a bunch of bullshit and toss in a graph for no reason at all.
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A graph. Nice touch. Not sure I could do it without reason though. I might have to go with poll results on whether the word "woman" should be changed "womyn", you know, so the word is not an extension of the word "man".
Followed perhaps by a tirade on the failure of the campaign to change the spelling, and blaming such failure on the fact that the dictionary industry is dominated by men, who are repressing the feminist agenda through censorship. Some reference to the fact that when the reporter tried to get in touch with them, they did not return calls, and had to be visited in person to demand an explanation of their refusal to ammend the word. Whereupon the dictionary executive dismissed the petition, citing that only 5 people signed it, and all of them women, and that he could not pander to special interest groups in his sacred duty to document the language as it is actually used.
The reporter, ever persistent, went on to call on the dictionary executive every month for a year, and at the last meeting, realised that she had become known in the industry as the "Monthly Visitor". The old boys club of the dictionary world were laughing at her behind her back, in the most offensive way possible for someone of her beliefs.
It was at that moment that she determined that diplomacy was not working, and that it was time for war. Thoughts of fire quenched only with blood raced through her mind, but she had to be practical, and for that reason launched the boycott. So for their arrogance, the dictionary industry is now shorter by 5 customers, and that number will grow any day now.
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oh, i've got it.
(http://eu4.memecdn.com/Why-Do-Girls-Get-All-Bent-Out-Of-Shape-When-A-Man-Asks-For-A-Sandwich_o_103124.jpg)
something about this. Trolly enough that some will recognize the meme, but truth enough to write about.
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Hmm. The sandwich theme has been done to death, though.
Maybe an article thanking the laundry fairy for her tirelessness, and asking why the fuck the women in our houses don't give her a hand instead of slacking around and making us unsolicited sandwiches?
I could add some suggestions on how to deal with female objections to their "workload", like:
- asking them if you need to have 2 of them to get the job done
- and while we're at it, how many do you need to get the other "job" done properly (you know, the one that really makes them holler)
- reminding them who wears the pants
- reminding them who makes more money
- asking them what they are going to do about their weight
- then offering them a donut
- offering to hire a maid, then in the same breath asking how much rent they are going to start paying
- a recap of old classics like, "shut up bitch and make me a sammich"
Passive-aggressive reponses (ie to pick a fight) :
- telling them to calm down
- asking them if they are having their period
- pointing out something you are doing at the moment that pre-empts their request, like a marathon session of BF
- suddenly burritos and coming back hours later aroused by Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan off your ass
- suddenly burritos and coming home the next morning hungover with lipstick marks all over your pants
- remarking how great the make up sex will be when she is done "ragging"
- and whether you can get a blowjob this time
As well as avoidance techniques to "workload" discussions like:
- saying you will do it later
- protesting your ignorance on how to do it
- fucking up the job a few times
- suddenly burritos and never coming back
The more I think about it, Zouch might not be the right outlet for this...
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Uh, thanks for the offer but no thanks? I don't write professionally and neither do I have any interest in doing so. I write for myself.
Also congratulations on the column offer.
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Well that's a pity - writing for yourself is fine, but once it is written, you should share it with others. What is the point of publishing it on RIA if you only write for yourself?
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I don't write for anyone else, if I wanted to, then I'd be writing articles like I did in high school. It doesn't need to be shared with others, I could be the worst writer in the world and I'd still post it on RIA, just to have a place to post it and get rid of it. I don't really need a reason to do what I do other than for myself.
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I don't really need a reason to do what I do other than for myself.
That's a pretty good line, I could imagine it being on a motivational poster or something.
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I don't write for anyone else, if I wanted to, then I'd be writing articles like I did in high school. It doesn't need to be shared with others, I could be the worst writer in the world and I'd still post it on RIA, just to have a place to post it and get rid of it. I don't really need a reason to do what I do other than for myself.
Ok Howard, then why not just post your stuff to your recycle bin. That would do a better job of getting rid of it...
Sharing with the public does not mean you have to pander to their interests, or change the way you write (though this is the point I am struggling with for the Zouch project, so your point is a good one).
But the alternative is to be the artist who is so deep no one understands them, and noone benefits from their work.
Have you ever read A Confederacy of Dunces?
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I don't write for anyone else, if I wanted to, then I'd be writing articles like I did in high school. It doesn't need to be shared with others, I could be the worst writer in the world and I'd still post it on RIA, just to have a place to post it and get rid of it. I don't really need a reason to do what I do other than for myself.
Ok Howard, then why not just post your stuff to your recycle bin. That would do a better job of getting rid of it...
Sharing with the public does not mean you have to pander to their interests, or change the way you write (though this is the point I am struggling with for the Zouch project, so your point is a good one).
But the alternative is to be the artist who is so deep no one understands them, and noone benefits from their work.
Have you ever read A Confederacy of Dunces?
As I said, I don't need a reason to other than for myself. I don't have to explain myself to you any more than you have to explain why you choose to write for others. Writing poems and posting them to a forum online doesn't mean anything. Writing articles means it does usually need to go through editing and criticism. There is a difference.
Also Leo, that would be a pretty bad motivational poster. One that encourages selfishness. XD
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Also Leo, that would be a pretty bad motivational poster. One that encourages selsea kittenness. XD
proposing we instate a new brutha:'selfish' to 'mia'
because it is much shorter than selsea kittenness
:colbert: your move, selfish
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As I said, I don't need a reason to other than for myself. I don't have to explain myself to you any more than you have to explain why you choose to write for others. Writing poems and posting them to a forum online doesn't mean anything. Writing articles means it does usually need to go through editing and criticism. There is a difference.
There is a difference, to be sure, but I only write on my own terms. The only criticism or editing I accept improve my work. Harnessing a good editor is a productive part of the creative process.
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Also Leo, that would be a pretty bad motivational poster. One that encourages selsea kittenness. XD
proposing we instate a new brutha:'selfish' to 'mia'
because it is much shorter than selsea kittenness
:colbert: your move, selfish
My move is your face. :wub:
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Also Leo, that would be a pretty bad motivational poster. One that encourages selsea kittenness. XD
proposing we instate a new brutha:'selfish' to 'mia'
because it is much shorter than selsea kittenness
:colbert: your move, selfish
My move is your face. :wub:
I hope you fake orgasms better than you fake affection.
where's crazyman when you need him, this lewdness must be punished.
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Lewdness? I am insulting him. :3
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It was inappropriate. You should spank yourself.
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I think your proposal is more inappropriate. I shall not indulge you, sir.
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Fair enough. Back to the problem - if you don't want to publish, then fine.
But I still need to come up with a column that is appropriate for Zouch - any suggestions?
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You're asking RIA that? Seriously?
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Well, I know I am scraping the barrel, but I am all ears.
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Okay, Dumbo, but to tell you the truth, I got nothing, so go with Sea Turtles.
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No. Sea turtles are assholes, and get more than enough publicity as it is.
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Then FUCK YOU!!!
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DON'T YOU RAISE YOUR LETTERS AT ME. Keep it up and you are in for a WORLD OF GANGS.
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BRING IT BITCH!
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Umm. I presume that was a typo, and you meant "BRING THE BITCH", right?
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NO, I MEAN YOU'RE THE BITCH.
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You are still ALL CAPPING ME, FREAK? Try THIS on for size:
YOU MUST BE CONFUSING ME WITH YOUR MOMMA!
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LIAR!!! GO SUCK ON A COCONUT YOU SLANDEROUS FIEND!!!
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And see why you should never ask RIA for what you should write on? :P
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Wait, what is this
What the fuck is this website
I have no idea what any of these words mean
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And see why you should never ask RIA for what you should write on? :P
I don't know - this bit alone has me thinking about a few subjects:
1) "How to trash talk on a forum"
2) "Emotive writing in the age of thread"
3) "Leo: A case for study"
Wait, what is this
What the fuck is this website
I have no idea what any of these words mean
Learn to read between the lines, man!
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No talking about me without talking to my agent first.
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Who is your agent?
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I am.
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How do I get an appointment?
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The office is closed.
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Oh. Then LAWYER UP BITCH because I am writing the article anyway.
A controversial exposée, with accents et al, and little-used latin, german, expressions that even the author does not understand. An exposée that reveals the inner sanctum and Zeitgeist und Smeterling of the organisation directed by the mysterious Leo. The author tried to contact him for an interview, but his agent, Leo, was not available for comment.
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Well with Leo leaving, it doesn't matter. He won't know!
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Well with Leo burritos, it doesn't matter. He won't know!
WHAT? Please explain.
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Well with Leo burritos, it doesn't matter. He won't know!
WHAT? Please explain.
http://rialliance.net/index.php?topic=46273.0 (http://rialliance.net/index.php?topic=46273.0)
we need to troll him until he is completely incapacitated and cannot leave.
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Well with Leo burritos, it doesn't matter. He won't know!
WHAT? Please explain.
http://rialliance.net/index.php?topic=46273.0 (http://rialliance.net/index.php?topic=46273.0)
we need to troll him until he is completely incapacitated and cannot leave.
I will do my part. Will you?