ITT, I record how fucking awful Florida is

[Buck Turgidson]

Damn, I really can't find a joke to make here.  And I see Leo is stumped too.

This is far too serious.

[Kenneth Kenstar]

Man Returned Used Enemas To CVS Regularly

A Florida man found his choice of rectal-cleaning product pretty crappy, cops said.

Sheriffs launched an investigation after personnel from a CVS in Jacksonville alleged that a man was repeatedly returning used enema saline laxatives to the store, according to a Jacksonville Sheriff's Office news release.

The suspect returned the six-pack containers of enemas between April and June, according to the release. CVS employees told police they had initially re-shelved the items during this period, not realizing they had been used.

Eventually, in early June, employee Dustin McDonald found it bizarre that the man -- whom he recognized from previous visits -- was again bringing back the same item, and decided to investigate, the Smoking Gun reported. He opened the box of enema bottles to find they were all filled with fluid. The box had apparently been re-glued to make it look like it hadn't been opened.

The curious employee then poked into other six-pack enema boxes on the shelf and discovered that "“all the enemas in each of the 3 boxes were previously used," according to the Smoking Gun. Each of these containers was similarly re-glued shut.

Despite this unsettling discovery, McDonald reportedly did not alert authorities until the dissatisfied enema customer attempted to strike again, the release said. This time, McDonald informed the suspect that he could not accept the used items and contacted the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office.

The sheriff's department sent samples of the fluid in the bottles to the Florida Department of Health for testing. Fecal matter was, indeed, detected.

The suspect has been identified, the news release said, and has been arrested by deputies for an unrelated outstanding warrant. However, the individual's name and the nature of that charge is still being withheld, a representative from the sheriff's office told The Huffington Post, as the matter is under ongoing investigation by the Federal Food and Drug Administration.

On CVS' part, according to a statement made to WOKV-TV, the pharmacy, "out of an abundance of caution," is "proactively contacting" twenty-one individuals they confirmed bought enemas during the suspect's alleged returning spree. The store encourages other potential purchasers of the used product to come forward.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/03/man-returned-enemas_n_1646226.html

[Croix]

Man Returned Used Enemas To CVS Regularly

What the flying...

[Jenne]

Thats shitty

[Kenneth Kenstar]

Man Shoots Himself, Sues Gun Shop and Wins Two Million Dollars

INVERNESS — A jury has found a local hardware store liable in the self-inflicted gunshot injury of a Homosassa man.


After deliberating for nearly four hours Wednesday and following a three-day trial in Judge Patricia Thomas’ courtroom, jurors concluded that Kane’s Ace Hardware Inc. of Homosassa was negligent in the accidental discharge of a gun Frank Varone bought from them.
 

Varone, who ended up having his left leg amputated because of the injuries, was awarded a $1.779 million for medical costs and pain and suffering. Frank’s wife and co-plaintiff, Linda Varone, got $336,000 for loss of her husband’s comfort, attention and services.
 

The civil trial asked jurors to consider evidence of whether Kane’s staff gave false and misleading information to Varone when he purchased a .22 Magnum mini revolver made by North American Arms in May of 2002, and if they were negligent in failing to clearly explain unique safety procedures to Varone because he never got an owner’s manual for the weapon.


The Varones’ attorneys, Andrew Knopf and C. Richard Newsome of Orlando, hammered home through a series of witnesses that Kane’s was indeed negligent by not paying special attention to Varone during his purchase of the firearm, especially since the gun required careful handling to render it safe to carry.


“If he had been told this (the unique safety procedures) at the point of sale, he wouldn’t have purchased the firearm — too complicated,” Knopf told jurors.
 

But Kane’s attorneys, Carlos M. Llorente of Davie and Bryan Reynolds of St. Petersburg, were equally adamant about several issues they thought shifted the negligence to Varone.


Varone, the attorneys contended, is a two-time, two-state concealed weapon permit holder who was not a novice when it came to firearms. They said he voluntarily went to the store to purchase the gun and then used the gun daily for 7 1/2 years without incident until he shot himself in October of 2009.
 

Llorente argued Kane’s sold all manner of goods, everything from axes and lawnmowers to machetes and weed cutters, but it was understood that the purchaser carried the responsibility to learn the proper safe handling of those products.
 

The defense attorneys also wondered why it took 7 1/2 years before Varone realized he didn’t have an owner’s manual with the gun.
 

Varone reportedly purchased the revolver in May 2002 after he and his wife became crime victims. According to his lawyers, he was told at Kane’s by a salesperson that to secure the gun, all he had to do was to bend the grip toward the trigger.


Newsome and Knopf said no one told Varone that the gun had a fairly complicated safety system which required moving the hammer to a slot or notch position between projectiles. Varone reportedly used the gun daily until 2009, when he went to stand up while having the loaded weapon in his back pants pocket. The gun fell to the floor and discharged, hitting Varone in the left leg. The bullet shattered his leg bones, and the leg eventually had to be amputated. Varone’s medical bills from his injuries totaled $116,391.10.
 

Local attorney Keith Taylor was also on the plaintiff’s team.

[Kenneth Kenstar]

Tuberculosis Outbreak and Cover Up

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/11/tuberculosis-outbreak-gov_n_1664923.html?utm_hp_ref=politics&ir=Politics

Predicting Next Week: Black Plague reaches Miami; Florida rediscovers the Antibiotic

[Kenneth Kenstar]

Floridian Plays Russian Roulette, Spoilers he lost.

A teenager has died after shooting himself in the head during a game of 'Russian Roulette' with three friends.
Thorin Montgomery, 17, was the first to hold a loaded .38 caliber handgun to his head and pull the trigger.
The teenager collapsed in front of his horrified friends who called paramedics.
Montgomery was airlifted to hospital where he later died from his injuries.
Russian Roulette is a lethal game of chance in which a player places a single round in a revolver, spins the cylinder, places the muzzle against his or her head and pulls the trigger.
The game originated in Russia and featured in the one of the most famous scenes in cinema history in the film The Deer Hunter with Robert De Niro and Christopher Walken.
It is estimated that up to ten people a year die from playing the risky game.
Police in Largo, Florida, said Montgomery was with three friends, aged 19,18 and 16, on Friday night when they decided to play the deadly shooting game.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2167218/Teenager-dies-shooting-head-playing-Russian-Roulette.html#ixzz20NeADt00

[Leo]

That's a man!?



My first thoughts when I saw that pic were, "Meh, she's not too bad," but now, "Mfwhafgaghabahahbahbjk;f."

[Buck Turgidson]

Yeah.  I bet he had hot tits.

[Shadow]

haha oh wow. its sad because all I did was laugh when I read that. >_>

[Buck Turgidson]

Well I hope he won a Darwin for that.

[Fake from State Jarm]

in soviet russia, edgy tries to be you.

[Buck Turgidson]

All these stories make me want to go to Florida and get my crazy on.

[Ogaden]

LAKELAND, Fla -- A Florida couple is accused of forcing a 13-year-old boy to kneel down for nine hours a day for 10 days in a row as a punishment for being bad at school, police said.
Albert Cusson, 57, and his wife Nancy, 47, from Lakeland, Fla., were jailed on child abuse charges Thursday after allegedly forcing the teen to kneel on a hard bathroom floor with his hands behind his back from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. every day and beating him with a stick if he moved, the Polk County Sheriff's Office said in a statement.
During the 10-day ordeal they made him sleep in a bathtub and fed him one "protein shake" a day containing meat, vegetables and other foods but then did not allow the boy to eat or drink anything after that, the statement added.

POLK COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Albert and Nancy Cusson were jailed on child abuse charges Thursday after allegedly forcing a teen to kneel on a hard bathroom floor with his hands behind his back.
The boy managed to run away from the house Wednesday afternoon because he "could not take it anymore" and told a neighbor about the alleged abuse, police said.
Officers said the boy had blistered knees, red marks on his back and struggled to walk when they found him. He was taken to the Lakeland Regional Medical Center for treatment.
The boy, who was home-schooled, told cops that the couple planned to enforce the punishment for 20 days in a row.
The Cussons admitted forcing the boy to kneel and said it was because he misbehaved during school. Albert Cusson claimed he was punished in the same way by his father.
They denied the kneeling ordeal caused him injuries, and told detectives it was, "the only punishment that works for him."
Police said the pair may face further charges as a nine-year-old girl also claimed they forced her to kneel for two days straight.
"There is no excuse for this type of deplorable behavior," Sheriff Grady Judd said. "People who mistreat children are the worst of the worst. Jail is too good for them -- the Cussons will be more comfortable in the county jail than this little boy was when he was in their care."


Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/florida_couple_accused_daily_forcing_PpFwf5JOdaG9Dc4p46AvlK#ixzz20vzC97dZ

[Shadow]

Punishment by kneeling for 20 days? They be crazy.

[Leo]

Oh, but wondering in the desert for 40 years is okay?

[Buck Turgidson]

Try wandering in the desert, that's biblical.

[Pterrydactyl]

I just don't even fucking know anymore.

[Buck Turgidson]

People should be allowed to raise their children however they want.

[Kenneth Kenstar]

George Zimmerman: "I'm Truly Sorry" But It Was "God's Plan" For Trayvon Martin To Die



http://dcist.com/2012/07/george_zimmerman_im_truly_sorry_but.php