I think it's humorous, maybe one day I'll finish it.
Planet Women(less)
A man walks up to another man standing on his lawn.
Man 1: Excuse me! Sir?
Man 2: Yeah?
Man 1: Uh, you’re from…here, right?
Man 2: Where?
Man 1: Here? You know, like the, uh, the planet, this planet.
Man 2: Well, yeah, of course.
Man 1: Oh, good, um, can I just ask you something?
Man 2: What?
Man 1: Do you, I mean, your, uh, your species. Does your species have females, by any chance?
Man 2: What do you mean?
Man 1: Does your species have females? Women folk? Basically you with breasts?
Man 2: Yeah! Of course!
Man 1: Oh, good! Wonderful! And you don’t mind if we just drop down here for a bit and mate with ‘em?
Man 2: What? What?
Man 1: Mate.
Man 2: What the hell…is this a joke?
Man 1: No, no, this is quite serious. We…we really need to mate with this planet’s females.
Man 2: Why? What do you mean “we”, who’s “we”?
Man 1: My race. We don’t have any females on our planet anymore, not after The Great Divorce of the Derkus Canyons. Horrible weekend, not at all what we had planned. Total political mess. I personally think it was the Christians, but-
Man 2: Are you high or something? Are you sick?
Man 1: Sick with hunger for mating, if that’s what you mean.
Man 2: Am I on camera? I’d really like to know what’s going on.
Man 1: Look, we’ve come a long way, a couple billion light years, can you please just point me in the direction of the females? And, oh, does your planet have birth control?
Man 2: We take birth control very seriously here, actually. So, what, you’re some kind of…space man?
Man 1: The, uh, the birth control, like, the liquid or what?
Man 2: What?
Man 1: What? The liquid, or, the capsule things?
Man 2: For birth control? Well, first off, we have these things called “con-
Man 1: Wait, hold on, sorry, I’m getting a transmission from my ship. Hold on- oh. Does your species eject large reflective boxes into your orbit?
Man 2: You mean…satellites?
Man 1: So you do?
Man 2: We use them to look at weather patterns and stuff, I don’t know what else they do. They have cameras, probably.
Man 1: Well, I hope you don’t need all of them. My buddies thought it was a battle vessel, and they vaporized it a little.
Man 2: I’m pretty sure it won’t hurt us. Probably not American anyway.
Man 1: These “Americans”…they have beautiful females?
Man 2: Some of them are beautiful, yes.
Man 1: Great. We should really start the mating soon, and these “Americans” sound like a good place to start.
Man 2: Um, I think you might get arrested. By our, well, this planet’s law enforcement. We take rape even more seriously than birth control.
Topic: A short "story" I started. (Read 740 times)
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