Would someone rate my music?

[pielord47]

As a pastime I enjoy writing music. Unfortunately I am quite bad at getting the actually music part, but my lyrics are decent from my perspective.
So I'll show you the lyrics to a song I wrote yesterday and if you like it then I'll post more.

Does My Revolution Look French to You?
This song would be considered the genre hard rock or metal. Screaming, heavy guitar, and awesome drums would be involved.
Verse 1: Rise up! Cause of sickness! Cause of fatigue!
             You're sick and tired of being pushed around!
             Come on and grab your pitchfork, we're gonna change the world!

Chrous: Ha! Revolution! It's coming for your soul!
             Even if you fend it off, it will still take your wife!
             It will still own your life!
             How can you lose your own Revolution?

Verse 2: Show your teeth! Bare your fangs!
             Stab that man with thoughts of stopping us!
             Come and march on, we're gonna change the world!

             Chorus

Verse 3: Rip with anger! Tear with hate! Beat the pain!
             Tie and gag him, hold him for ransom!
             I see the capitol, we're gonna change the world!

             Chorus

Verse 4: Burn the town! Steal the gold! Plunder the chests!
             Take out the king and behead him!
             His head rolls now, we've gone and changed the world!

             Chorus

So there is a sample of my writing. What did you think? I'd really rather you take it seriously and tell me what you think.
And if you must know, Plunder the chests! was originally going to be Rape the women! but I was writing in school. It may have been awkward if someone looked over my shoulder and saw that so I didn't write that.

[KingRanter]

i shall not rate your music

[pielord47]

you're too kind

[1ofkind]

Its got american spirit, but it's just things aren't that simple. Start with a story, and then with the reason there right there then display curb stomping.

[Dontasemebro]

5/10

[DrunkWino]

It's not a bad start, but add more to everything.

[Mr_Cynic]

...
No comment.

[C-zom]

Wow, that sucked. All of it.

[Crunka]

Superficial/10



but if you're going for that then yay4u/10


ask yourself what made you write this and develop on that feeling...

[pielord47]

Superficial/10



but if you're going for that then yay4u/10


ask yourself what made you write this and develop on that feeling...

What are those "/10" supposed to mean?
And what made me write... uh, it just came to me

[KingRanter]

What are those "/10" supposed to mean?

you asked for a rating

you should have seen it coming

[dester55]

the "/10" means out of 10....


it would be a good song if it had more of a story to it, or if this is apart of an album, it goes along with the story of the album. remember, all good songs are a story.

[Crunka]

^ not necessarily.


i listen to some great lyrics that are just the description of something.



i'm going to take a plunge and ask you to have an open mind and listen to some rap/hip-hop.

*FLAME SHIELD, UP!*


artists like:

why?
aesop rock
atmosphere
tupac (some of his poetry too)
early outkast
the grouch
zion i and the grouch (specifically the song "silly putty")

the reason why i said rap/hip-hop is because the main focus (theoretically) is to the lyrics. don't get me wrong, other styles of music have great lyrics, whereas rap is different  as it is not so centered around the music (hence repetition and sampling).


if you want to learn kung-fu, it is better to learn from a master rather than an apprentice, right?

[pielord47]

I mean I don't understand what's on top of the 10

[1ofkind]

^ not necessarily.


i listen to some great lyrics that are just the description of something.



i'm going to take a plunge and ask you to have an open mind and listen to some rap/hip-hop.

*FLAME SHIELD, UP!*


artists like:

why?
aesop rock
atmosphere
tupac (some of his poetry too)
early outkast
the grouch
zion i and the grouch (specifically the song "silly putty")

the reason why i said rap/hip-hop is because the main focus (theoretically) is to the lyrics. don't get me wrong, other styles of music have great lyrics, whereas rap is different  as it is not so centered around the music (hence repetition and sampling).


if you want to learn kung-fu, it is better to learn from a master rather than an apprentice, right?

A bit is actually that things that means it's interesting, because it comes from another place, but the vast majority of it is just assholes trying to be coo

[triviuum]

honestly.
i can think of about ten million songs that have no meaning or "story" behind them.
thats not what metal is about
if it's screamo.. then its gna have some story about how the world hates u or ur gna kill urself, which this doesnt.

jus because it has no story duznt mean its not a song.

it really all depends on it sounds, in lyrics, its hard to tell if its a good song or not. the lyrics are pretty cool tho

[pielord47]

I agree entirely with triviuum's position

[triviuum]

then you understand metal.

[pielord47]

of course
and half of rock and roll, I mean, not that many songs have a story, just a theme really

[Crunka]

did you read my post?