<_<
If I can transfer over the CN money into real money it might help...
But no, it wont help.
About a week or two ago I found out my friend has Lung Cancer...I was told it was operable, however he would need to quit smoking first. Well not even a week ago, I found out it was worse then what they originally thought. He has cancer in both lungs, and was given 3 years to live. However with the fact that he wont quit smoking, he has less then that.
The thing is, this is one of the two people I have to thank for getting through school. He was in tie for my second best real friend, and my third longest known friend.
Im kinda jumping back and forth from being sad for him, to being angry at him, to being pissed off to no end at myself...
Just acknowledging his for-coming death is hard for me...I have never had to deal with the death of someone I cared about before so...
The thing is though, as I said, I cant tell if I want to be sad for him cause hes dying. Mad at him for not quitting and not even attempting to tell me about this. Or pissed off to no end at myself for letting the friendship between us die...
I still see him as a friend, I still care for him...however I have just been too busy lately with work, school, and life to make time for him. For a while it was really awkward to be with him, cause every time we got together, we hung out with my ex. So when me and my ex broke up, I kinda stopped talking to him a bit. Finally when I was ready to start hanging out with him again, I was too busy with other stuff. I didn't make the time for him, and now he doesn't see me as a friend. He wasn't even going to tell me about this. The only reason I know, is because my ex told me...It's my fault he sees me as a dead friend...its my fault I cant be there for him. His only phone was a prepaid cellphone that he let run out and never refilled. He has no internet, no xbox live, and lives in an apartment that you need to call someone in order to get in. I cant even talk to him, and it hurts...
Call me a sissy, call me a sap, call me a wuss, i don't give a shit...he was a good friend, and its my fault our friendship died...and now he himself is waiting for death...