dear RIA: rate my research paper!

[Crunka]

rate:

[Sir Gerald Goldberg]

F 10%

[John Fire]

I was a little confused as to what type of expository essay this was. The thesis made it look like it was going to be an example essay. The body made it appear to be a defining essay. The conclusion made it appear as though the paper should have been a persuasive essay.

The first body paragraph does not seen to support the thesis, yes it defines gifted, but it does not prove how being gifted makes life harder.

The second body paragraph has a similar issue. It does almost nothing to prove the thesis, I would stamp it as irrelevant.

The third body paragraph is fine if this is an essay to define giftedness, but it really provides minimal support for the thesis. It shows the traits of different groups of the gifted, but does not explain how being gifted is makes life harder when one reads the information (only 10% are not "successful").

The fourth paragraph also appears to be irrelevant in regards to the thesis. It shows that programs are offered to help the gifted despite dissenters.

Overall the essay was confusing. According to the thesis the point was to prove how life was harder for gifted people. However you spent too much space defining gifted and concluded with an argument that still begs the question.

My suggestions:
1. Focus. Is the purpose of your essay to define "Giftedness" or prove how life is harder for the gifted?
2. If the purpose is to define giftedness, rewrite the thesis. If the purpose is your current thesis, then rewrite the body (the entire thing).
3. Rewrite your entire conclusion, this is not an argumentative essay. You are not trying to argue for the government to act on the situation of giftedness. You also have in no way proven that giftedness is a disorder.

If I turned this paper in to my teacher I would expect a D with the possibility of an F.

At this point I must ask what grade level this paper was meant for? I am rating it according to my grade level.

I hope I wasn't too harsh

[Grand Poobah Marx]

You need to scrap your thesis.  I only read the first bit, but you only explain about what being gifted is, never connected to your thesis.  So you're fucked if it's a persuasive paper.  CONNECT TO YOUR THESIS.

edit: John Fire speaks the truth.

[Mr_Cynic]

So close to having Crunka's full name...

[Grand Poobah Marx]

SO close, it was on there..

[Crunka]

I was a little confused as to what type of expository essay this was. The thesis made it look like it was going to be an example essay. The body made it appear to be a defining essay. The conclusion made it appear as though the paper should have been a persuasive essay.

The first body paragraph does not seen to support the thesis, yes it defines gifted, but it does not prove how being gifted makes life harder.

The second body paragraph has a similar issue. It does almost nothing to prove the thesis, I would stamp it as irrelevant.

The third body paragraph is fine if this is an essay to define giftedness, but it really provides minimal support for the thesis. It shows the traits of different groups of the gifted, but does not explain how being gifted is makes life harder when one reads the information (only 10% are not "successful").

The fourth paragraph also appears to be irrelevant in regards to the thesis. It shows that programs are offered to help the gifted despite dissenters.

Overall the essay was confusing. According to the thesis the point was to prove how life was harder for gifted people. However you spent too much space defining gifted and concluded with an argument that still begs the question.

My suggestions:
1. Focus. Is the purpose of your essay to define "Giftedness" or prove how life is harder for the gifted?
2. If the purpose is to define giftedness, rewrite the thesis. If the purpose is your current thesis, then rewrite the body (the entire thing).
3. Rewrite your entire conclusion, this is not an argumentative essay. You are not trying to argue for the government to act on the situation of giftedness. You also have in no way proven that giftedness is a disorder.

If I turned this paper in to my teacher I would expect a D with the possibility of an F.

At this point I must ask what grade level this paper was meant for? I am rating it according to my grade level.

I hope I wasn't too harsh

i know my thesis was shit and i didn't support it in any of my paragraphs. the main point of this essay was to explain the term gifted children (for me, that is).

my teacher is stupid, she wants a thesis similar to mine, yet, she wants this to be a research paper, not an argumentative essay. i really found it illogical for my thesis to be what it says there, although if it helps my grade i'll do it. thanks for your pointers, i do indeed want to change the thesis statement but i'll just have to wait after she corrects it (this is a rough draft)


nevertheless, did you guys learn anything from this paper?


also this paper is for my junior year in HS